I have always associated the happiest and most exciting times in my life with the food I am eating and/or the experiences surrounding food and wine. However, today I went and saw the movie Eat, Pray, Love and although the move was just "entertaining" it brought back some really challenging times in my life and I found it strange that I still to this day remember what I was eating when times were the toughest in my life. The movie really reminded me of how the challenges we are faced with really change our path and our direction and truly shape who we are and what we are meant to do.

*** Side note the movie has the most amazing photography of Italian food***

The first memory occurred when I was 18 years old and at my first semester at Pepperdine University. It was my dream school, the most amazing campus and I felt that I was untouchable and that my future was at my finger tips. I was confident, in control and blessed with good fortune. It was absolutely breathtaking to look out the window of my dorm room and see the blue Pacific ocean stretching out for miles. I had never had health problems and I knew that doors would be opening based on my graduation with a degree from this school. However, I woke up one morning and found that I was having trouble swallowing. I went to the bathroom and found that my face and neck were swollen. I was so tired that I could barely lift my arms and I felt aches as if I had just been ran over by a mac truck. I dragged myself to class knowing that in order to be successful I needed to persevere. After several days of trying to live a normal college life, which wasn't normal at all as I would do everything possible to sleep between classes, delay getting out of bed and feeling like I was unable to sleep or drink I went to the student health center. When I walked in their first thought was mono...sure I was young, it was my first time away from home and I was probably just stressed out from my first semester at college. But I tested negative.

My medical problem exceeded their scope of knowledge and they sent me to a medical facility in Malibu. The first thing they realized was that I was extremely dehydrated and then began the barrage of "what ifs" and "what could it be." Was it leukemia, an autoimmune deficiency or the early symptoms of some unmentionable disease. After a few days of not feeling better, the doctors not knowing what was wrong with me and they symptoms not going away and only getting worse I remember sitting in the cafeteria. I was miserable and I was down to 90lbs in a few weeks time. I decided that if I could eat anything it would be a chocolate donut...don't know why its not like I eat those on a regular basis. So I put this donut on my plate and I remember bringing it to my table with my group of roommates and I remember staring at it...and the realization washed over me that I wasn't getting better and I couldn't keep going on. I left the school that weekend for home...realizing that I needed to take care of myself and that I would never be successful without my health. I never returned...losing my scholarship and that path in my life.

The second memory occurred when I was 29. It was my birthday and my Mom took me to dinner at a restaurant that I loved in Eureka called the Waterfront Cafe. I remember having a glass of amazing red wine in front of me and I had just ordered a crab salad. My husband at the time had to work so I was out celebrating with my Mom. I had been really unhappy and just not satisfied with my life. I remember my Mom asking me the most mundane question...something along the lines of "how are you," and I remember the tears just running down my face. I stared at my wine and I realized how unhappy I was in my marriage. I felt that we were going in different directions and wanting different things in our lives. I felt immense guilt as we had only been married for 11 months and I remember feeling overwhelmed by anxiety at the very thought of going home and facing him and trying to live a normal life next to him. At that moment I felt I would do anything to get away from that relationship...and I did. That day was the beginning of the end and although I knew that I had the most difficult decisions and actions ahead of me from that day forward I knew I was doing the right thing even if I didn't go about it in the right way. For the first time in my life I was doing what was right for me and only for me. That glass of wine was a new beginning and going through that pain made me who I am today.

Ok enough about challenges for tonight. Just have to say there is nothing better than sharing a good glass of wine (Copola Cabernet) and crab stuffed mushrooms with a good girlfriend.  However, we did realize we are getting older since our topic of conversation included but was not limited to bunions on our feet...so very wrong.

Upcoming food and wine events: Tomorrow going to a blind wine tasting for a friends birthday...wish me luck. Next week planning my first wine and food pairing dinner. I know the food I want to make but I am struggling with trying to decide what type of wine I want to pair with it.