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Tuesday, December 31, 2019

Life Is One Hell Of A Ride


 
I know I haven’t written for a very long time and I know that yet again this blog is not about food. However, I have decided that I would like to take a moment and celebrate the last 10 years. And I use the word “celebrate” loosely as this decade has not only brought me some incredible parties, it has taught me the greatest life lessons.

So, as we close out 2019 I would like to take a moment and look back with gratitude.

This is what I have learned and this is what I want to share:

1.       Never forget to celebrate each moment because we are not promised a tomorrow. I experienced firsthand, both personally and professionally, how tenuous life is. I listened to people take their last breath professionally, whether it was hearing the gun shot or listening to a Mother fight desperately while giving her child CPR. Yet until recently I always viewed death as something distant, until I was in a plane that filled with smoke and did an emergency landing.  All I could think of was calling my Mom and telling her I loved her. Followed by being cut out of a car after being hit head on, only to be told in a trauma unit that you had suffered multiple fractures to your cervical spine. The fear of looking at your own mortality, not just once, but twice, teaches you life lessons on a completely different level. So celebrate and tell those you love how much they mean to you.

2.       Feel and feel deeply. I spent the majority of my life being incredibly good at numbing and running, in no specific order. And fuck those skills served me well as it came to survival, professional success, and being calm under pressure. But what I have learned is that those skills did not serve me well when it came to living or loving.  And there are several people out there that I owe apologies to because I was not able to feel or let them in or love them the way they deserved. But I learned how to ask myself, what is the point of living if you don’t get to feel the depth of human emotion? And I have learned to feel, I have taught myself to feel, I have allowed myself to feel.  And with those life lessons comes the pain of feeling those emotions that are less than pleasant….but hell to the yeah those emotions, good and bad, remind me that I am alive, remind me that I am living with a whole and open heart, remind me of all that is good out there in this great Earth. And the polarity of feeling a broken heart, of feeling tears run down my face, allow me to feel my joy, my passion, my love for life with a reckless abandon that I have never experienced before. Bring it 2020! Go big or go home!

3.       When you get knocked down, get back up. Never stop fighting because life is worth fighting for. This summer I sat in a theater at the Muhammed Ali museum and I cried. I cried as I listened to him fight, both in the ring and out. I cried because I was in a place where I had to make one of the hardest decisions of my life. I cried because we have done a crappy job as a society to learn from our history and make positive change. I cried because we have done one hell of a shitty job loving each other and celebrating each other instead of being destroyed by our differences. But that doesn’t give us an excuse to stay down. We owe it to ourselves and the other incredible people in this world to get back up and fight.

I was raised by a family of fighters. I was raised by a single Mom who sacrificed everything to keep food on the table, a roof over my head, give me an incredible education, and she worked her ass off to teach me love, freedom, and independence. As many of you don’t know, I have never met my biological father. But he was a fighter in his own right. He was very active in the Civil Rights movement, and made personal sacrifices for what he believed to be right. The blood of both of them runs deep, and for that I am so grateful.

 

My life does not look the way I expected it. And my life does not look like the life I had 3 years ago or the life I had 5 years ago and definitely the life I had 10 years ago is completely unrecognizable.  But every time life diverted me and took me down a different path there was incredible surprises, gifts, challenges, and joys. Through this journey I have made some of the most amazing friends, traveled to incredible places, had life experiences that have touched my heart and soul, drank incredible wine, ate food that was out of this world, touched lives and been touched.

4.       Go home!! 2 years ago I moved back to my hometown and that has not been without its struggles. Because when I left Humboldt I was straight up running and I truly thought this was the last place I would ever return. Fast forward 15 years and here I am.  But I feel so incredibly blessed to be close to family and old friends. It has been a remarkable gift getting to reconnect with people I lost touch with, getting to know their kids, be back in the nature of my childhood, and finding my calm/peace. I have had an amazing opportunity to make new friends, spend time with some life altering teachers, go back to my roots teaching at my local college, and breathe. That being said, what I have also learned is that home can be created anywhere because it is something inside of you. Because I now feel like I have many homes…Ventura County still has a special place in my heart, I still crave the southern charm of ATL, the mitten is near and dear, and countless other places I have lived and loved.

5.       At the end of the day it is all about love. Our success is not measured in our careers, in our PRs, our hobbies, our bank accounts, the homes we live in, or the cars we drive. Love is what is most important and I am not just talking about romantic love. I am talking about loving ourselves so deeply that you never doubt yourself. I am talking about loving our family and friends so that those relationships are based on laughter, memories, and authentic joy. I am talking about loving the man or woman on the street corner because we are all a part of the human race. I am talking about taking time and just being present every moment of everyday so that we remember that it is not our differences, but our similarities which are the greatest strength.

 

 I have had incredible opportunities to love recently. I got to love another mans children as if they were mine. I got to fall in love with a man that truly accepted and loved me for who I am without wanting to change me. I got to love a family that I inherited. I got to love my family after being gone for 15 years. I got to love friends throughout this globe and listen to countless amazing stories of resilience, strength, and courage. And those experiences of love are truly the most precious gifts I have ever received.

6.       On a personal note, this decade gave me a broken heart and a broken neck. And to most people I know that those would not be viewed as positive. Yet for me, I am immensely grateful. The broken neck forced me to slow down, forced me to re-prioritize, forced me to take a serious look at myself and the life I was living, taught me how to ask for help, showed me who my true friends were, and gave me blessings in the most unexpected places. My broken heart showed me how to feel, and truly how to love. The old saying of the heart breaks so it can open wider, is so true. It has taught me more about love, connection, intimacy and vulnerability, and don’t get me wrong I am still scared as fuck, but the broken heart taught me that it is worth feeling the fear, facing the fear, and doing it anyways.

7.       Talk to strangers. I often get teased, for appropriate reasons, about talking to strangers. But let me tell you, all friendships, every single love story, starts with talking to a stranger. I have heard incredible stories, made life long connections, laughed so hard I cried, because I talked to a stranger. Just do it! It is life changing!

8.       Collect friends. And I don’t mean that I see my friendships as things. I mean that friendships are the most treasured gift. I have collected friends wherever I go and it has been those experiences that have led to the most amazing conversations, laughter, connection, restaurants, adventures, and joys. You all know who you are, please know you mean more to me than anything on this planet Earth.

9.       Travel and travel some more. I have had the incredible opportunity to travel a ton in this past decade. I have 10 states left that I have to hit in the US, and I have had the opportunity to make it out of this country to see Bora Bora, Mexico, Costa Rica, Ireland, Sicily, and Greece. And hmmm I may be forgetting a few places…..but just travel….i have found that I learned more about myself, other people, other cultures, and life by traveling. Do it! You will not regret a single second.

10.   Do it with passion or not at all. I am not just talking about sex, however it is relevant in the bedroom as well. But I mean life. We have one life so truly go big or go home. Live a big life and be passionate about everything that you do in life. Be passionate about your career, and if not change it. Be passionate about your relationship, if not get out. Be passionate about your home, and if not move. Be passionate about what you do all day and every day, if not do something different, no matter how small. Way too many people settle and live half assed lives. Life is a gift and not the place you want to play small. Go big or go home my friends!

 

Hope y’all (yup that is my Southern influence) have an incredible New Year! Be safe, be grateful, and celebrate with those you love!! Cheers!
Sunday, March 24, 2019

Come to Find out Kimchi Explodes!! Broccoli Fried Rice with Kimchi Cream


Let me start by saying this is not the first explosion I have had in my kitchen, and since we are being honest, it will probably not be my last. However, normally when explosions occur in my kitchen, it doesn't totally catch me off guard....well maybe that is not completely accurate...but the kimchi surprised me!!

For those of you who are unfamiliar with kimchi, it is a Korean salted and fermented cabbage. It can actually be made with a variety of different vegetables, however cabbage is the most common. Back in the day, this fermenting process was used to preserve the cabbage, out of necessity since come to find out refrigerators weren't always a thing.

Now I discovered that kimchi is an explosive device while trying to make Broccoli Fried Rice with Kimchi Cream. I found the recipe in Cooking Light and I decided to give it a try, after returning from a girls wine tasting weekend, in which there was a fair amount of wine and cheese consumption. I decided a vegetarian and light recipe might be a good choice for me tonight.

I also kind of can't believe I am sharing this embarrassing moment, but since you all know way too much about me as it is, well let me just give you another little tid bit. I have always been a little bit on the gullible side or maybe we should just say that nothing surprises me so I accept "facts" without question sometimes too easily.

So early on in my Dispatch career, in the middle of a night shift, one of the Sergeants was in the center. He was talking about his daughter and so I asked, "oh what is her name?" Seems like an innocent enough question, right? Well he proceeded to tell me that his daughters name was "Kimchi." And so of course I repeated it, making sure I got the pronunciation correct because having a unique name I am cognizant of butchering other peoples names. He continued to verify that his daughters name was truly Kimchi and so I went with it....until I met his wife....who mentioned their daughter named JoAnn. You can only imagine my surprise and confusion and he continues to love to tease me about the fact that I believed he would name his daughter after fermented cabbage. Hell stranger things have happened, right!!


Back to the food, the first step in this recipe involves crisping the bacon. The recipe calls for center cut bacon because there is less fat. However, I did find that it doesn't crisp quite as well as regular bacon so my bacon didn't get as crispy as I normally like my bacon. It did still provide good flavor, just not the same texture as regular bacon.


Remove the bacon once it is "crisp" and cook the chopped broccoli in the bacon fat. Cover and cook for 5 minutes and then remove the broccoli.



Next, add sesame oil to the pan. Add the cooked brown rice, green onions and a 1/2 teaspoon of sugar. I questioned what that small amount of sugar was for, but I figured I would just go with it because I was too hungry to Google. Yeah that is how you know I am seriously starving because I usually make time for my Google fix.


Once the rice has cooked for 5 minutes, create a hole in the center of the rice and add the beaten eggs. Cook the eggs, stirring often, to form scrambled eggs.

Add the soy sauce, bacon and broccoli back to the pan and heat up.

Now for the fun part, the Kimchi Cream. The Kimchi Cream is made in a food processor and you add mayonnaise, Greek yogurt, Kimchi and Kimchi juice. So, I go to open the kimchi and that is when my kitchen and myself become promptly covered in kimchi. Let me also mention no one ever wants to smell like fermented cabbage. I was standing in the kitchen, laughing, pretty sure I was bringing some serious sexy back to that kitchen!! And just to help with the visual, not only does it spray kimchi juice in every direction, the kimchi also kind of explodes out of the jar, like a swamp monster.

Once I cleaned up my mess, the food processor just mixed all of the ingredients for the Kimchi Cream together and it actually had great flavor. I purchased spicy Kimchi just because I love a little spice.

I actually really liked the recipe. I love fried rice and this was definitely a healthier version as I used brown rice, less oil, broccoli instead of meat and center cut bacon. I am actually feeling pretty darn good about my healthy eating habits in this moment....we aren't talking about the rest of the weekend.


Here is the actual recipe from Cooking Light:

  • 4 center-cut bacon slices, chopped

  • 4 cups chopped broccoli florets

  • 1 tablespoon toasted sesame oil

  • 2 (8.8-oz.) pkg. precooked microwavable brown rice

  • 1/2 cup chopped scallions, plus more for garnish

  • 1/2 teaspoon granulated sugar

  • 2 large eggs, lightly beaten

  • 2 tablespoons lower-sodium soy sauce

  • 1/3 cup refrigerated jarred kimchi plus 1 Tbsp. kimchi juice

  • 1/4 cup plain whole-milk Greek yogurt

  • 1 tablespoon canola mayonnaise

  • 1/8 teaspoon kosher salt

    •             
    Step 1
    Cook bacon in a large nonstick skillet over medium until crisp, about 5 minutes. Transfer bacon to a plate (do not wipe out skillet). Add broccoli to skillet; cover and cook, stirring occasionally, until broccoli is crisp-tender, about 5 minutes. Transfer to a bowl.
     
    Step 2
    Add sesame oil to skillet; increase heat to medium-high. Add rice, scallions, and sugar; cook, stirring occasionally, until warmed through, about 5 minutes. Push rice mixture to edges of skillet to create a hole in center. Add eggs to center; cook, stirring often, until mostly cooked, about 1 minute. Stir in soy sauce, bacon, and broccoli. Remove from heat.
    Step 3
    Process kimchi and kimchi juice, yogurt, mayonnaise, and salt in a food processor until mostly smooth.
     
    Step 4
    Divide fried rice among 4 bowls. Top each with 2 tablespoons kimchi cream; garnish with scallions.


    Enjoy and don't forget to be careful and open the kimchi over the sink. You are welcome!!

    Tuesday, March 19, 2019

    I Married the Badge


    I had been a Dispatcher for 10 years before I met the cop that was going to be my husband. And good, bad or otherwise I had spent plenty of time with the guys and I felt like I knew Police Officers fairly well. I also wasn’t some sweet young thing and so I felt like I knew men even better. However, let me tell you there are quite a few things that no one talks about in regard to being married to the badge.

    First of all, let me give a shout out to the incredible group of cops wives that I know, love and learned from. Because just like there is a brotherhood on the street, there is an even tighter group of women behind those badges and I had the honor, privilege, and joy to experience these lovely ladies first hand. So, cheers to all of you and you know who you are!! Whether you are still married, divorced, single or widowed…cheers ladies you are fucking amazing!!

    Secondly, I was married to a damn good cop and an even better person. He truly treated people with respect and that was across the board-gang members, criminals, neighbors, friends and family. He got into the profession for the right reasons and he cared about the job that he did, the community he served, and he truly recognized that it was a privilege and an honor to protect and serve.  That being said, I don’t know how my ex-husband will feel about me writing this, so let’s just hope he doesn’t see this. Pretty sure he stopped following my blog after the divorce was final and if not well….oopsie!!

    However, I can’t say I went into the relationship blind or unknowing or ignorant. I would say my eyes were wide open, but there are quite a few things about being marrying the badge that no one ever talks about.

    1.       Being married to an Officer means you will never be the priority. And not because he doesn’t want to make you a priority, but because he took an oath and with that oath comes a responsibility so much greater than those marriage vows. As a Dispatcher we often talk about how we often have to prioritize and consider where we can do the greatest good or save the most lives. That is what an officer does, often having to choose between his personal and professional life.  And if that means giving up Christmas with the family to go evacuate neighborhoods that are under wildfire evacuation orders, he will not be sitting at the head of that table, and you have to understand that.

    2.       Being married to an Officer means that you have to look death in the face. For many people death is something that happens to someone else, someone maybe on the news or in social media. However, when you love a cop it is something you have to think about, plan for, be realistic about and deal with. I knew that if BM and JM came to my door in uniform, they were not there to grab a beer, they were there to deliver the most horrific news that any person in uniform will ever have to deliver. And I also knew that I had to prepare myself for that moment, even if it never came. I knew that my husband would want me to honor him, be proud of him and respect him, whether he was alive or dead and that was my responsibility that came with that ring on my finger. That was my reality and the reality of the spouses in LE every single day.

    3.       Being married to an Officer means that you look at your life as a tactical operation. I went through the majority of my life not thinking twice about where I sat in a restaurant, where the exit doors are located in any commercial building or I walked through a mall with no situational awareness at all. However, part of the responsibility of being married to a cop comes with the fact that they are armed, their face is known and not just to good people, and that YOU can be used as a weapon against them because knowledge is power. What normal couples take for granted, like holding hands, was something that just wasn’t done in my house, not because he didn’t care, but because he never wanted me to be a victim because of who he was or what he did for a living. I learned that if he was approached by someone I didn’t know and they started the conversation off with,” Sergeant….” I walked away. I learned that his wedding ring was very rarely on his finger. I learned that he needed to do, be and act certain ways so he felt safe and that was his way of keeping his family safe.

    4.       Being married to an Officer means you married the badge, the uniform, the department and the other officers on the force. When I walked down that aisle, I wasn’t just gaining a husband, I was gaining an entire family. Sure, I knew comradery from being a Dispatcher, but when you marry into a department you gain the entire group of them and let me tell you they travel in packs. My house was constantly full of uniforms and their families and I loved giving them a safe place to smoke cigars, drink beer, watch sports, tell bad jokes, play games, and just relax. They are so on for so much of their lives, it was an honor and privilege to make sure they always had food on the table, a cocktail in hand and a smile on their face. And believe you me, us spouses got just as much out of those get togethers…. because unfortunately it is almost impossible to share this lifestyle with those who haven’t lived it.

    5.       Being married to an Officer means they take the work home. Sure, we all know we should try and leave work at the door, but in the law enforcement profession that is just straight up not possible and not reality. And this is not just a normal career, where the stress of the job involves too much paperwork, deadlines or quotas. The stress of this job involves making sure they actually come home each and every night. I learned that my husband needed time to decompress when he came home every day. Not because he wasn’t happy to see me, he just needed to shed the weight of the world off of his shoulders, and he needed to do that alone. I learned that sometimes he needed to talk about the horrors that he saw during his shift and other times he needed to just drink or play hockey or go out with the guys and get lost. I learned that he saved lives for a living, and although there is some reward, there is also a hell of a lot of responsibility that comes with that which can lead to a lot of sleepless nights, moody moments, and quiet tears in the shower.

    6.       Being married to an Officer means you are married to a hero. They touch lives each and everyday and they may not know it or even when they do it is still a credit less job. However, the fact that they rarely get a thank you from their department, the public that they serve, or their co-workers makes it even more important that they get it when they get home. Because there is nothing worse than fighting for your life to make it home to your family, only to get rejected when you walk through that door. I learned that you need to continue to give them a reason to fight and fight hard and fight for their life because if they lose that will to fight, it can mean the difference between that 6’4” black-haired blue-eyed man walking through your door or a casket.

    7.       Being married to an Officer means they aren’t going to tell you everything. The reality is that they are going to see, do, experience and live horrific things. And they are not going to talk with you about everything, not because they don’t trust you, not because they don’t care and not because they are trying to lie to you, but because they are straight up trying to protect you. They don’t always want to take away your innocence and so they keep it to themselves, they vent to their buddies over a beer or they kick the shit out of some random hockey player who skated a little too close to that goalie net.

    8.       Being married to an Officer means you have a “new normal.” They do not work a normal Monday-Friday 8-5 schedule. They work nights, weekends and holidays. They get called in as you are trying to go out of town. They are going to miss birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. However, what I can tell you is that they need you to help them create a new normal. So celebrate those holidays even if it’s two weeks late, set that alarm to see them when they get off night shift if you haven’t seen them in four days, put dinner on the table because they haven’t had a hot meal in 6 days, leave notes on the table reminding them that they actually live with their spouse even if you work opposite shifts, and meet them at the door with hugs and not guilt trips for missing another sporting event, family event, date night or flight out of town.

    9.       Being married to an Officer you need to remember to love every day like it’s the last….because we never know if it truly will be.

    10.   Being married to an Officer you need to remember to not blame the job for the problems in the relationship. I can honestly say that my divorce was not because he was a cop. My divorce was because we are two amazing people who wanted very different things from life. I always said the same things that made my ex-husband fall in love with me were the exact same things that led to our demise. I understand that in a job that has so much chaos, he craved control and normalcy, where as I live my life like it is a constant adventure. I am so happy that he was able to find what he needed and wanted and let me tell you I have been on one hell of a wild ride! However, I am still thankful to have the reminder that there are amazing men and women in this profession protecting our streets and that he is one of them.
    See the source image
    “To the world you are one person, but to one person you are the world.”

    Monday, March 18, 2019

    Everything I Learned About Life I Learned Being a 911 Dispatcher


     
    In my past life, I was a 911 Dispatcher. I spent nearly 20 years of my life answering the phone and listening to people in crisis. I worked a radio handling pursuits, shootings, structure fires, extrications, domestics, death and destruction. And I heard people take their last breaths, I gave CPR instructions to a mother trying to save her 6-month-old daughter, I heard screams, children crying, gunshots and tears. I heard my cops scream as they got ambushed, shot at, injured and scared. I heard my firefighters roll up on horrific traffic accidents involving their own family members, try to save lives, and fight for lives that were beyond saving.

    As many of you know I wrote a memoir a few years back. I told my “war stories” and I talked about the times that I believed I made a difference, those calls that haunt me, those situations that I so desperately wanted to end with a happy ending, but life isn’t a Hollywood movie, and being a Dispatcher is messy and unfortunately not full of fairytale closure. I decided not to publish the book, it felt too personal and I felt like I was sharing stories of those that I didn’t know if they wanted shared. It is impossible to write about a career like this without talking about the people involved-the victims, the officers, the firefighters, the suspects, the spouses, the broken, the downtrodden and the witnesses…and at the end of the day they should get to choose whether or not they want to tell their stories. The stories I mention here are devoid of distinguishing details, are only my personal accounts and are kept vague on purpose.

    I have been out of the profession nearly 4 years and I have to admit I miss it every day. Sure, I sleep better, sure the nightmares are less frequent, maybe I don’t replay those “what ifs” in my head like I use to. But I do miss feeling like I am making a difference, making sure my boys are going home safe to their families every night, that adrenalin rush you get from working a hot call, that comradery that comes with being a part of something so much bigger than yourself.

    And it is so weird that people I meet now have no clue about the career I had that was once so much a part of my identity. I find that I don’t talk about it to people who didn’t know me back in the day, afraid that they won’t understand that part of me. It is too hard to explain that after being in public safety we all carry a certain level of pain, that we all have these emotions that we are afraid to feel because once the tears start they won’t be able to stop. But I can tell you I loved every second of being a 911 Dispatcher and damn that career taught me everything I know-the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly.

    Here is what I learned about life from being a 911 Dispatcher:

    1.       Live like there’s no tomorrow. Life is not guaranteed. I started as a 911 Dispatcher when I was young, very young. I thought I was invincible, and I was naïve, full of life and innocence. I truly was the walking epitome of “ignorance is bliss.” The very first call I answered was a high school classmate being shot in a drive by shooting. And I learned quickly I was wrong.  So I repeat life is not guaranteed.

    2.       We are put into peoples lives for a reason. Sometimes those reasons are amazingly joyous, like the time I got to give a wife CPR instructions, to her husband of 30 years.  She was able to save him after he collapsed from a heart attack. And sometimes they are only to hear someone’s last words, sobs and apologies before they make a choice to take their own life, the last thing you hear being a gun shot and the phone dropping to the floor of the car. Both situations very different, but I was there to witness what those individuals wanted and needed in those difficult moments.

    3.       Keep laughing. There is no coincidence that the public safety profession is wrought with sarcastic and dark humor. Sure, there is a great deal of cynicism out there, and some may argue that it is a survival mechanism. However, I believe it is much greater than that. I made the choice to laugh instead of cry because that phone kept ringing, emergencies continued to happen and I knew I wouldn’t be able to help anyone if I was crying and rocking in a corner, so I choose to laugh. When I hung up the phone with a man who had just found his wife dead, covered in blood, of course I wanted to cry. I am human. However, the next 911 line started ringing and it was not my turn to cry, it was my turn to keep my chin up and do my job, try to help the next person.  I chose to put on my big girl panties, put a smile on my face, crack that sarcastic comment and get back in the game, regardless of the fact that the call I just hung up with wanted to bring me to my knees. And ya know what I have taken that life lesson and applied it to every aspect of my life.

    4.       In this family nobody fights alone. I had never experienced a team, a family or friendships like I experienced in public safety. And I quickly learned about loyalty, having each other’s backs, the thin blue line, and being willing to sacrifice for those you care about. As a Dispatcher, when you are making split second life and death decisions you become close with your co-workers on a completely different level. When you go to work every night and you feel a sense of responsibility as to whether or not they go home to their families at the end of their shift there is a level of reliance, commitment, comradery that is unprecedented. However, what I have learned is that we should have those relationships both in our personal and professional lives. I have made a conscientious effort to create an incredible tribe of friends in which we celebrate our good times, pick each other up during the bad, are fiercely protective and way too fucking honest with each other. And those friendships mean more to me than anything else on this planet.

    5.       Don’t get comfortable. Every time I thought I was getting comfortable in my career something more bizarre, more intense, more outrageous or more scary occurred to quickly put me in my place. Sure, I could handle a pursuit, officers screaming on the radio, firefighters breathing like Darth Vader through their masks, all like I was taking a walk in the park. I was calm under pressure and I knew it. But be careful what you wish for because if one officer shooting was bad, you were going to get several officers shooting, multi-jurisdictions, 110 rounds fired, in a close quarter gun battle (all hypothetical of course). Same goes for life, the minute we get comfortable and complacent, a curve ball will be tossed in your direction, and it will occur at the most unexpected time or by a person who drop kicks you on your ass (also all hypothetical).

    6.       Be the reason someone smiles. Dispatchers are the calm in the storm, the strength when others are weak. When I was a “baby Dispatcher” I often got teased for sounding too happy on the radio. The guys would often tell me they couldn’t tell if I was dispatching a robbery or talking to my best friend while sitting on the sofa. However, I was also told that my shift would hear my voice hit the radio and they knew at that point they were safe, they knew they could go out and start doing self-initiated activity, wreaking havoc and being proactive, because I would keep them safe. I was told that my pursuits sounded like a conversation between me and one of the guys, just shooting the shit. That was the single biggest compliment I received in my 20-year career and so I continue to be the reason that someone smiles.

    7.       Happily ever after is not guaranteed. Not every story has a happy ending. And I learned all too well that no amount of prayers, pleading, negotiation, preparation or training can truly prepare you for every aspect of this career. I had a rollover accident into a body of water involving two teenage boys and I had never heard a group of firefighters work so hard in their entire lives to try and save those two young men. I never saw a team work so seamlessly as I did that night between the Dispatchers, Officers and Fire crews, yet at the end of the day, we all went home with tears in our eyes and heavy hearts. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how hard we fight, how bad we want it, real life doesn’t always end with a pretty package and a big red bow.

    8.       At the end of the day none of us are in control. I used to like to think I was in control. I liked to believe that if I was good at my job than my officers were going home. I liked to tell myself that I was a damn good Dispatcher and because I could handle the worst of the worst I was in control. But I can also tell you every single person in this profession has had at least one incident that reminds us that we are not in control. One of mine started off completely mundane, a burglar alarm to a business, something the officers respond to countless times a day. We always send two officers, just in case, but we are all confident that a just in case will not occur. So I sent two officers, one of them being a close friend as I was in his wedding, at the hospital when his daughter was born. On this particular evening, the suspect had already made entry into the business by the time my officers arrived. He saw them checking the building, watching them through a large plate glass window. As the officer approached the window he chose to dive through the window, ambushing he officer, in an attempt to escape. The blood curdling screams, fear and surprise in that officers voice was by far the most terrifying thing I have ever heard.

    So my badge still sits on the dresser next to my bed. ID #5136 no longer defines me, but it still has a piece of my heart. Just because I am 10-7 doesn’t mean that I don’t celebrate what the profession taught me, honor and respect those that continue to fight for my freedom and safety every day, love how the career shaped me, raised me and taught me about life. In this profession, countless men and women make immeasurable sacrifices to protect and serve all of us, our country, our communities, our families. It is a thankless profession and yet they continue to get up every day, put on that uniform, headset, badge, and do their job to the best of their ability.  Thank you! #thinblueline
    Wednesday, March 13, 2019

    Cinderella is a Liar!! (this blog is not about food and be prepared for adult content and bad language it is f'ing reality folks)


    Cinderella is a liar. I, like countless women throughout the world, were raised on the fairytale love story of Cinderella. Therefore, I have spent my entire life dropping shoes at random locations waiting for my Prince Charming. And let me just tell you this whole glass slipper process is the easy part, it is maintaining the happily ever after which is where I feel like a victim of fairytale fraud.

    Relationships are just straight up hard work and anyone who tells you something different is either lying to you or themselves or they have a less than conscientious love. In my experience Prince Charming doesn’t just rush me off to the castle in the clouds, he has led me either to divorce court or a counselors office. The reality of relationships is that they are 75% hardwork and 25% fun. Let me share with you what I have learned.

    1.       Complacency is the fastest thing to kill a relationship. You just don’t have the option of turning into a pumpkin and letting life pass you by.

    2.       Cinderella looks sweet and innocent, but sometimes she just has to be a whore. In order to keep the relationship inspiring there needs to be some spice in life and if it is not maintained in a controlled environment, life will create it for you.

    3.       Cinderella and Prince Charming were never even shown exchanging more than 2 words and that is just not the way to a fairytale love. Communication is truly the key and it never stops. The process of getting to know that handsome love next to you truly never stops.

    4.       No matter how amazing your prince is you still need to put in the work because at the end of the day you fell in love with a human. And there is no human that is perfect, only the human that is perfect for you, and even those come with work.

    5.       The birds and mice do not clean our houses and so those everyday tasks of cleaning the house, raising children, working and trying to maintain a social life takes its toll on the relationship. It makes the relationship mundane and boring if you let it.

    6.       The story of Cinderella was a story based on a moment in time and for all I know Cinderella also ended up single and drinking wine with the girls. But all joking aside I feel like sometimes people come into our lives for a season and just because there is a ring on your finger or a glass slipper on your foot, they might not be your happily ever after forever and we shouldn’t play small in keep people in our lives who don’t want to grow with us. She could be on Prince Charming III by now or a lesbian, hell it is 2019!

    7.       Cinderella heard that clock strike midnight and she straight up fucking ran. That is a story I know way too well. I spent countless years running from myself, running from emotions and running from men. Let me tell you that sometimes we need to stop running and face the music because the only way to truly get to the level of intimacy and connection that we all crave, with ourselves and others, is stop and deal with our shit. And let me tell you, from someone who is a recovering sprinter, standing and fighting is a hell of a lot less fun.

    8.       Cinderella made all of the little girls of my generation grow up believing that a happily ever after can’t be achieved without a horse drawn carriage, a tall, dark and handsome man and some rocking shoes. But let me tell you, I have one out of three, the shoes. And I have a pretty damn amazing life, complete with a successful career, amazing friends and family and some crazy awesome adventures throughout this incredible world.

    9.       Cinderella demonized the step-family. Well, there Little Miss Fairytale, the reality is that there are a hell of a lot more step-families today and coming from experience, getting to be a part of a childs life, whether they are biologically yours or not is an incredible gift. And I can tell you that I miss those girls a hell of a lot more than I have ever missed their father. They truly were two of the most precious gifts in my life and I am so blessed that I had the time with them that I did.  So

    10.   Cinderella also showed all of the little girls of my generation that we should keep our mouths shut, our legs crossed, and play small just cleaning the house and singing with the birds. Well, I am here to set this one straight! This is absolute bullshit! Ladies, speak your truth, sleep with the men you want to sleep with and go big or go home!! Cinderella was a liar!!

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