Ladies and Gentleman, it's been a while since I have visited my blog and it's been a hell of a long time since I shared with y'all some words of wisdom related to love, dating, courtship and relationships. I know that several of my friends and co-workers loved to hear the wacky shit that constituted my love life or lack thereof and just in case you all thought I found my prince, and I am living in a castle somewhere, happily ever after....well you are just fucking wrong. I haven't been actively dating and once you read my below stories/experiences you will very much understand why.

Let's start with my favorite and work my way down the road.

1. If you knew me in high school and that was the last time you talked to me, inviting me to Hawaii might be a bit scary. Did you consider the fact that over the last bleep years I became bat shit crazy? This would have left you on an island trapped with a crazy girl -nobody wants that. I would recommend for anyone who had the desire to take someone from high school on a trip with them to at least vet them via an invite to coffee or wine first, just so you can check for crazy girl bangs at the least. I did not go to Hawaii.

2. If you ask me for my Snapchat and you are disappointed that I don't have one, it's important that you know that I get that you either want to send me a dick pick or you are married or you are married and want to send me a dick pick. I don't want either option. Btw, if you have a girlfriend still full body no. Now you understand why I don't have Snapchat.

3. To the men who feel safer giving a woman their phone number instead of asking for theirs, maybe it's just me, but your phone number will be deleted or thrown in the trash the minute my back is turned. I am old fashioned, ask for my phone number. The only time this almost worked was the guy at the country concert who grabbed my phone and saved his phone number as "future hubby" in my phone - that contact stayed until the next morning, led to a lot of ladies night laughter, and was then deleted without a call/text. You want to get my attention, ask for my damn phone number. 

4. If you plan the date - the restaurant, what you want to wear, what you want to eat, but you forget to set a date and time - welp maybe you shouldn't wonder why I didn't show up. I did not ghost you, your attention to details was just lacking. 

5. If you are trying to get my attention, there is truly nothing sexier than consistency. And so I am not sure if I should be sharing this or not, but if I haven't heard from you in a week, the contact is deleted. And umm most of the time your name won't be attached until you have done something that gets my heart enough to be saved. 

6. If I run into you at the airport and it's been a shit ton of years since we hung out, the fact that I didn't bring up the shady shit you did is not an indication that I want a booty call...it's an indication that I spend a lot of time at the airport and I want to keep it classy. So, really there is no need for you to call me the next time you are in town - I have not forgot the money you owe me or the bitches you banged.

7. This is not about race, this is about breaking stereotypes - I am sorry, but I have not found the "once you go black" thing to be true for me. In my experience, regardless of ethnicity or race, I am incredibly gifted at finding unavailable men and that is without discrimination. So have I dated black men? Yes. Were they unavailable? Fuck yes! But have I dated other ethnicities? Yes. Were they also unavailable? Mmmm hmmm. So, I am no longer going to focus on the color of your skin, I am straight up focusing on your social media account and the private investigator I hire to find out your true relationship status. 

8. Baby girl, if they aren't ready there is not a damn thing you can do to make them ready. Walk away! Break your own damn heart if you have to, but just walk away. Does it suck? Abs-o-fucking-lutely, but so is finding yourself a year, 2 years, 5 years down the road with a man who isn't ready. Side note, in my experience men don't lie about being ready. They will tell you if they are ready, better yet they will show you if they are ready....and they will tell you if they are not ready....trust them. 

9. Look for actions! As you all know I love to write, love the written language, but when it comes to relationships it's all about the actions. I am over the text messages telling me I am beautiful, charismatic, smart, funny, special, different, incredible, successful, and my laundry list could keep going on...but if your ass isn't at my front door, on a plane, tracking me down, it is a full body no. Will I ask you to be at my door or on a plane or tracking me down? Oh hell no! Gone are the days of begging, asking, or chasing. You are a grown ass adult man (and I will card you) and so you can make your own damn decisions and if your decision isn't to show me what you got - my door and my legs will remain closed. 

10. Sometimes the biggest gifts come from the most unexpected places - and if they make your heart feel all gushy - take a moment of gratitude - and celebrate the fact that you can still fucking feel after all of this time. That person might not be your happily ever after, but in the words of Nicki Minaj "I fly with the stars in the skies. I am no longer trying to survive. I believe that life is a prize. But to live doesn't mean you are alive." Come to find out you are not broken, your love story just hasn't been fully told yet.