I recently ran into an old co-worker in the parking lot of the grocery store. As we talked about life, quickly covering the 20 years since we had last seen each other, he mentioned that I was his "what if girl." I walked away and I started to think about how many times I had been told I was the "what if girl." To be honest, more than I would care to admit. 

 I have mixed feelings about being told I am the "what if girl."

First of all, what the fuck does that even mean? So, you let me leave your life and you have wondered, regretted, questioned, thought of me often?

Second, I feel gratitude, what an amazing compliment. I mean who doesn't want to hear that someone has thought of you with wonder, ponders what could have been, that you have the characteristics that they realized are once in a lifetime. 

Finally, a little offended, why am I time after time the one who got away? 

Why is it that these men never realized what they had until I left their lives? 

Why am I the woman that haunts these men, yet they never fought when they had the chance? 

Why did I not know how they felt when they were in my life?

Side note - Not every declaration of "what if" have been relationships, such as the one above, these confessions sure have come from some past relationships, but also friends and co-workers. So, you have to sit back and consider the common denominator, which is me. 

What is it about me that puts me in the "what if" category? 

I could take this one of two ways, wondering what is wrong with me or realizing that people often don't remember what you said or what you did, but they often remember how you made them feel. I hope that I have touched lives and made people feel.

I also had a personal realization, I don't believe in "what if." I believe that if I was supposed to be "the one" our story would have had a different ending.

I don't live my life with "what ifs." I live my life to the fullest extent, being grateful for every damn day that I am on this planet. If you are in my life and I wonder if we have romantic potential, I will explore it, regardless of the outcome. And sure sometimes the outcome is bliss, passion, love, euphoria, and sometimes the outcome is tears, heartbreak, destruction, or just getting down on your knees to pray. 

I also find gratitude for the people in my life. And regardless of if that person is in my life for 1 minute, 10 minutes, 4 hours, 30 days or 20 years, they touched my life for whatever period of time they were supposed to be in it. Sure, some of them made my life a living hell and some of them touched my heart, and countless experiences that have ran the gambit of in between. But, at the end of the day our paths crossed and our experience together was what it was meant to be, no regrets and definitely no "what ifs."

This parking lot encounter also made me realize that I truly don't have a relationship in my past that has left me wondering "what if." I have had incredible men in my life and I have also had less than incredible men in my life, but at the end of the day its all about the right person and the right time, and obviously the fact that the UPS man of my dreams has not shown up at my door is a clear indicator that I have not found the right person or the right time. 

To the men who have wondered "what if" let me reassure you that I am not the one. Because I am confident that if you were supposed to be the man by my side there would be no need to wonder, you would be there. So, go back to your lives, if you are in a relationship go back to your wives and/or girlfriends, and don't look back....I promise you there is no "what if."