This was a topic of conversation recently with a friend. Do we actually want to know if our significant other cheated?

This is not an easy question.

I remember when I was ending my last long term relationship. Something felt wrong in my bones. He swore to me there was no one else and so even though my intuition was sounding the alarm I started to believe I was crazy. I started to think there must have been something wrong with me or that I did something to cause the demise. But yet I knew in the back of my head. I knew there was someone else. I knew I saw red flags every day - an addiction to his phone, a detachment, a general lack of engagement, a withdrawal of affection and so many other signs. And even though I knew, there was a part of me that wanted to climb back into bed and put the covers over my head like a small child who believes there is a monster under the bed.

I remember several months later finding out that there was someone else, had been someone else, and there was such a rush of emotion. There was validation that my intuition was correct. There was an element of relief as I knew I wasn't crazy, and that it wasn't me. There was so much anger for both of them. And it also finally allowed me to let go, truly let go.

However, when I start to think of this question there is so many facets to consider.

Do we want to know or is ignorance bliss? Sometimes the thought of dealing with reality and the pain that comes with the betrayal is more than we can handle or imagine. Sometimes it's just damn easier to ignore.

Do we want someone to tell us? In my experience, we often kill the messenger in these situations - detesting the person who brought us the truth, instead of thanking them with gratitude for bringing the truth to light.

If he is still with us, do we want to know that he decided to stay? Is it a good thing that he is with us either after walking away or being walked away from by someone else? Or do we feel like we have been living a lie for the period of time the affair lasted? Do we feel he is settling in some way by choosing us? Do we feel like the relationship has been cheapened by the betrayal?

Does it matter if the cheating was just a sexual deviation or an emotional connection? Are the layers of betrayal relevant to the answer?

If he cheated is he the one? I have found that we often give the power of relationship decisions to the men, but what about us? Is he truly the one for us if he lied, cheated, betrayed our love and made us cry? I would argue no.

Do we need to be loyal to other women? No judgment here as I have been on both sides of the fence, but after experiencing being the other woman as well as the heart break of being cheated on, I have to say yes. The power of the feminine is multiplied as we stand together and the more we unite in every circumstance the stronger we are. And with that comes honesty and truth with each other.

Do we deserve better? In my opinion, the answer is yes. I do not want the man who cheated on me. I want the man who knew I was worthy of loyalty, honesty, love and respect throughout the entire relationship, not just when its convenient for him.

Thoughts? Do you want to know if he cheated?