Somedays I feel like I have my shit together, but most days are messy. And I am learning how to embrace the mess. We often put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect, but I have started to question whether or not that is realistic.

In my 20's I had a calendar and I marked off the days that I felt like I was on point. However, when I looked back on the months, the days I didn't "have it together" far outweighed the days that I did. And this became a tool for evil instead of good as I used it for self-judgment and criticism as a result of the check marks.

Now, in my 40's there is still a calendar, but there are no checkmarks on it because I am learning to look at each day without judgment. I have started to realize that within each day there is usually a complex variation of wins and losses. Sure, maybe I brushed my hair or cooked dinner (examples of winning), but I also lost my shit over my software (not quite as smooth). And I am trying to give myself grace as I realize that both are ok.

Side note: Yes, I am one of the last of a dying breed that still uses paper calendars. I love them!!

I would do the same thing in my relationships - evaluating whether or not I was perfect enough to be loved. Yes, I know a therapist could have a blast analyzing that one. But that was my reality as I judged whether or not I loved enough, cooked enough, was sweet enough, and plenty of other "enoughs."

I am finding that we often put so much pressure on ourselves that we end up being our own worse enemy. And as I learn to love and accept myself, that involves also learning how to love the mess. I have also found that messy can mean different things on different days - sometimes its crying in the shower, sometimes its tripping over your own feet, and sometimes its being irritable from the moment your feet hit the floor. And all of it is ok. I am learning how to give myself permission and just embrace the mess. Cheers!