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Friday, March 3, 2023

Here Today Gone Tomorrow - What I Have Learned About Inconsistency

Let me start by taking some responsibility. I was the inconsistent one in more relationships, interactions, flirtations, hookups, etc than I care to admit. I was the woman who responded regularly, reached out, showed interest, flirted and then backed off....only for that cycle to be repeated when I was stuck in an airport in the middle of the country or home alone on a Friday night with a bottle of wine. I was the woman who gave mixed messages and left men wondering if I was interested in them or not. 

Side note: If you are one of the men who had that experience with me and you are reading this blog, I owe you an apology. My behavior was not ok. 

Because of my personal experience, I can tell you where the inconsistency comes from. I would love to tell you the answer is black and white, but alas there is nothing in love, sex or dating that is quite so easy. There is plenty of grey area on this topic of inconsistency so lets take a deeper dive on the topic. 

If you are on the receiving end of inconsistent behavior this is what that is all about:

1. They are unavailable - you are more than likely hearing from them when their wife, girlfriend or significant other is out of the room, at work, or out with friends. And even if they are physically available, if you are still seeing inconsistent behavior, they are emotionally unavailable (see below for more details). Full body no!

2. They just aren't that into you. Sure, you might be beautiful and funny and entertaining and successful and the full fucking package, but baby girl he just isn't the one. Sometimes as hard as it is to admit to ourselves, we just need to walk away and know that we deserve better. 

3. They are a straight up player. The attention is fun, the chase is even better. And we all know that there is no man that pursues you more than a man who hasn't had sex with you yet. Still a no.

4. They are emotionally insecure. Sure we all have an ego that loves the attention, but some people require attention on a different level. And what is better than the attention of one person? The attention of many. But damn juggling the attention of many can be a full time job, hence inconsistent behavior. 

5. They can't stay away. Sure, there is something about you that draws them in, but you also either scare them or they aren't ready for you, a relationship, your energy, etc. Anyway you skin the cat (think thats the saying and if I am wrong please know there were no cats harmed in the making of this blog) he isn't the one. They might not be able to stay away from you, but until they want to show up and put on their big boy pants. NO!

6. They are damn busy. And sure I love a man with drive and work ethic, but we all know how long it takes to send a "good morning" or a "good night" text and so I am sorry if they were truly into you, they wouldn't be too busy. I travel for a living and I suck at work/life balance, but if I am into you then you will know it and I will make the effort and I will find a way to be a part of your life. 

7. You are a conquest. I feel like the cougar game is trendy right now and so I have received plenty of attention from younger men...however the majority of them just want to go on safari. I am not your trophy. 

TBH, I am sure there are a few other scenarios I probably missed, but let's be honest with ourselves for a second - there is nothing sexy, hot or fun about inconsistent behavior.  If you are putting up with inconsistent behavior, just stop. You are worthy and you deserve more than some half ass attempt for someone to come into your life, only to be gone tomorrow, but maybe reach back out a week from now because they are bored. So, just say NO thank you! The right person will be here today and will still be here tomorrow. 

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