Tuesday, December 31, 2019
Life Is One Hell Of A Ride
I know I haven’t written for a very long time and I know
that yet again this blog is not about food. However, I have decided that I would
like to take a moment and celebrate the last 10 years. And I use the word “celebrate”
loosely as this decade has not only brought me some incredible parties, it has taught
me the greatest life lessons.
So, as we close out 2019 I would like to take a moment and
look back with gratitude.
This is what I have learned and this is what I want to share:
1.
Never forget to celebrate each moment because we
are not promised a tomorrow. I experienced firsthand, both personally and
professionally, how tenuous life is. I listened to people take their last breath
professionally, whether it was hearing the gun shot or listening to a Mother
fight desperately while giving her child CPR. Yet until recently I always
viewed death as something distant, until I was in a plane that filled with
smoke and did an emergency landing. All I
could think of was calling my Mom and telling her I loved her. Followed by
being cut out of a car after being hit head on, only to be told in a trauma unit
that you had suffered multiple fractures to your cervical spine. The fear of
looking at your own mortality, not just once, but twice, teaches you life
lessons on a completely different level. So celebrate and tell those you love
how much they mean to you.
2.
Feel and feel deeply. I spent the majority of my
life being incredibly good at numbing and running, in no specific order. And
fuck those skills served me well as it came to survival, professional success, and
being calm under pressure. But what I have learned is that those skills did not
serve me well when it came to living or loving. And there are several people out there that I owe
apologies to because I was not able to feel or let them in or love them the way
they deserved. But I learned how to ask myself, what is the point of living if
you don’t get to feel the depth of human emotion? And I have learned to feel, I
have taught myself to feel, I have allowed myself to feel. And with those life lessons comes the pain of
feeling those emotions that are less than pleasant….but hell to the yeah those
emotions, good and bad, remind me that I am alive, remind me that I am living
with a whole and open heart, remind me of all that is good out there in this
great Earth. And the polarity of feeling a broken heart, of feeling tears run
down my face, allow me to feel my joy, my passion, my love for life with a
reckless abandon that I have never experienced before. Bring it 2020! Go big or
go home!
3.
When you get knocked down, get back up. Never
stop fighting because life is worth fighting for. This summer I sat in a
theater at the Muhammed Ali museum and I cried. I cried as I listened to him
fight, both in the ring and out. I cried because I was in a place where I had
to make one of the hardest decisions of my life. I cried because we have done a
crappy job as a society to learn from our history and make positive change. I
cried because we have done one hell of a shitty job loving each other and
celebrating each other instead of being destroyed by our differences. But that
doesn’t give us an excuse to stay down. We owe it to ourselves and the other
incredible people in this world to get back up and fight.
I was raised by a family of
fighters. I was raised by a single Mom who sacrificed everything to keep food
on the table, a roof over my head, give me an incredible education, and she
worked her ass off to teach me love, freedom, and independence. As many of you
don’t know, I have never met my biological father. But he was a fighter in his
own right. He was very active in the Civil Rights movement, and made personal
sacrifices for what he believed to be right. The blood of both of them runs
deep, and for that I am so grateful.
My life does not look the way I expected it.
And my life does not look like the life I had 3 years ago or the life I had 5
years ago and definitely the life I had 10 years ago is completely
unrecognizable. But every time life
diverted me and took me down a different path there was incredible surprises, gifts,
challenges, and joys. Through this journey I have made some of the most amazing
friends, traveled to incredible places, had life experiences that have touched
my heart and soul, drank incredible wine, ate food that was out of this world, touched
lives and been touched.
4.
Go home!! 2 years ago I moved back to my hometown
and that has not been without its struggles. Because when I left Humboldt I was
straight up running and I truly thought this was the last place I would ever
return. Fast forward 15 years and here I am. But I feel so incredibly blessed to be close
to family and old friends. It has been a remarkable gift getting to reconnect
with people I lost touch with, getting to know their kids, be back in the
nature of my childhood, and finding my calm/peace. I have had an amazing
opportunity to make new friends, spend time with some life altering teachers,
go back to my roots teaching at my local college, and breathe. That being said,
what I have also learned is that home can be created anywhere because it is
something inside of you. Because I now feel like I have many homes…Ventura
County still has a special place in my heart, I still crave the southern charm
of ATL, the mitten is near and dear, and countless other places I have lived
and loved.
5.
At the end of the day it is all about love. Our
success is not measured in our careers, in our PRs, our hobbies, our bank
accounts, the homes we live in, or the cars we drive. Love is what is most
important and I am not just talking about romantic love. I am talking about
loving ourselves so deeply that you never doubt yourself. I am talking about
loving our family and friends so that those relationships are based on laughter,
memories, and authentic joy. I am talking about loving the man or woman on the
street corner because we are all a part of the human race. I am talking about
taking time and just being present every moment of everyday so that we remember
that it is not our differences, but our similarities which are the greatest strength.
I
have had incredible opportunities to love recently. I got to love another mans
children as if they were mine. I got to fall in love with a man that truly
accepted and loved me for who I am without wanting to change me. I got to love
a family that I inherited. I got to love my family after being gone for 15 years.
I got to love friends throughout this globe and listen to countless amazing
stories of resilience, strength, and courage. And those experiences of love are
truly the most precious gifts I have ever received.
6.
On a personal note, this decade gave me a broken
heart and a broken neck. And to most people I know that those would not be viewed
as positive. Yet for me, I am immensely grateful. The broken neck forced me to
slow down, forced me to re-prioritize, forced me to take a serious look at
myself and the life I was living, taught me how to ask for help, showed me who
my true friends were, and gave me blessings in the most unexpected places. My
broken heart showed me how to feel, and truly how to love. The old saying of
the heart breaks so it can open wider, is so true. It has taught me more about
love, connection, intimacy and vulnerability, and don’t get me wrong I am still
scared as fuck, but the broken heart taught me that it is worth feeling the
fear, facing the fear, and doing it anyways.
7.
Talk to strangers. I often get teased, for
appropriate reasons, about talking to strangers. But let me tell you, all
friendships, every single love story, starts with talking to a stranger. I have
heard incredible stories, made life long connections, laughed so hard I cried,
because I talked to a stranger. Just do it! It is life changing!
8.
Collect friends. And I don’t mean that I see my
friendships as things. I mean that friendships are the most treasured gift. I
have collected friends wherever I go and it has been those experiences that
have led to the most amazing conversations, laughter, connection, restaurants,
adventures, and joys. You all know who you are, please know you mean more to me
than anything on this planet Earth.
9.
Travel and travel some more. I have had the
incredible opportunity to travel a ton in this past decade. I have 10 states
left that I have to hit in the US, and I have had the opportunity to make it
out of this country to see Bora Bora, Mexico, Costa Rica, Ireland, Sicily, and
Greece. And hmmm I may be forgetting a few places…..but just travel….i have
found that I learned more about myself, other people, other cultures, and life
by traveling. Do it! You will not regret a single second.
10.
Do it with passion or not at all. I am not just talking
about sex, however it is relevant in the bedroom as well. But I mean life. We
have one life so truly go big or go home. Live a big life and be passionate
about everything that you do in life. Be passionate about your career, and if
not change it. Be passionate about your relationship, if not get out. Be
passionate about your home, and if not move. Be passionate about what you do
all day and every day, if not do something different, no matter how small. Way too
many people settle and live half assed lives. Life is a gift and not the place
you want to play small. Go big or go home my friends!
Hope y’all (yup that is my Southern influence) have an
incredible New Year! Be safe, be grateful, and celebrate with those you love!!
Cheers!
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