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Tuesday, December 31, 2019

Life Is One Hell Of A Ride


 
I know I haven’t written for a very long time and I know that yet again this blog is not about food. However, I have decided that I would like to take a moment and celebrate the last 10 years. And I use the word “celebrate” loosely as this decade has not only brought me some incredible parties, it has taught me the greatest life lessons.

So, as we close out 2019 I would like to take a moment and look back with gratitude.

This is what I have learned and this is what I want to share:

1.       Never forget to celebrate each moment because we are not promised a tomorrow. I experienced firsthand, both personally and professionally, how tenuous life is. I listened to people take their last breath professionally, whether it was hearing the gun shot or listening to a Mother fight desperately while giving her child CPR. Yet until recently I always viewed death as something distant, until I was in a plane that filled with smoke and did an emergency landing.  All I could think of was calling my Mom and telling her I loved her. Followed by being cut out of a car after being hit head on, only to be told in a trauma unit that you had suffered multiple fractures to your cervical spine. The fear of looking at your own mortality, not just once, but twice, teaches you life lessons on a completely different level. So celebrate and tell those you love how much they mean to you.

2.       Feel and feel deeply. I spent the majority of my life being incredibly good at numbing and running, in no specific order. And fuck those skills served me well as it came to survival, professional success, and being calm under pressure. But what I have learned is that those skills did not serve me well when it came to living or loving.  And there are several people out there that I owe apologies to because I was not able to feel or let them in or love them the way they deserved. But I learned how to ask myself, what is the point of living if you don’t get to feel the depth of human emotion? And I have learned to feel, I have taught myself to feel, I have allowed myself to feel.  And with those life lessons comes the pain of feeling those emotions that are less than pleasant….but hell to the yeah those emotions, good and bad, remind me that I am alive, remind me that I am living with a whole and open heart, remind me of all that is good out there in this great Earth. And the polarity of feeling a broken heart, of feeling tears run down my face, allow me to feel my joy, my passion, my love for life with a reckless abandon that I have never experienced before. Bring it 2020! Go big or go home!

3.       When you get knocked down, get back up. Never stop fighting because life is worth fighting for. This summer I sat in a theater at the Muhammed Ali museum and I cried. I cried as I listened to him fight, both in the ring and out. I cried because I was in a place where I had to make one of the hardest decisions of my life. I cried because we have done a crappy job as a society to learn from our history and make positive change. I cried because we have done one hell of a shitty job loving each other and celebrating each other instead of being destroyed by our differences. But that doesn’t give us an excuse to stay down. We owe it to ourselves and the other incredible people in this world to get back up and fight.

I was raised by a family of fighters. I was raised by a single Mom who sacrificed everything to keep food on the table, a roof over my head, give me an incredible education, and she worked her ass off to teach me love, freedom, and independence. As many of you don’t know, I have never met my biological father. But he was a fighter in his own right. He was very active in the Civil Rights movement, and made personal sacrifices for what he believed to be right. The blood of both of them runs deep, and for that I am so grateful.

 

My life does not look the way I expected it. And my life does not look like the life I had 3 years ago or the life I had 5 years ago and definitely the life I had 10 years ago is completely unrecognizable.  But every time life diverted me and took me down a different path there was incredible surprises, gifts, challenges, and joys. Through this journey I have made some of the most amazing friends, traveled to incredible places, had life experiences that have touched my heart and soul, drank incredible wine, ate food that was out of this world, touched lives and been touched.

4.       Go home!! 2 years ago I moved back to my hometown and that has not been without its struggles. Because when I left Humboldt I was straight up running and I truly thought this was the last place I would ever return. Fast forward 15 years and here I am.  But I feel so incredibly blessed to be close to family and old friends. It has been a remarkable gift getting to reconnect with people I lost touch with, getting to know their kids, be back in the nature of my childhood, and finding my calm/peace. I have had an amazing opportunity to make new friends, spend time with some life altering teachers, go back to my roots teaching at my local college, and breathe. That being said, what I have also learned is that home can be created anywhere because it is something inside of you. Because I now feel like I have many homes…Ventura County still has a special place in my heart, I still crave the southern charm of ATL, the mitten is near and dear, and countless other places I have lived and loved.

5.       At the end of the day it is all about love. Our success is not measured in our careers, in our PRs, our hobbies, our bank accounts, the homes we live in, or the cars we drive. Love is what is most important and I am not just talking about romantic love. I am talking about loving ourselves so deeply that you never doubt yourself. I am talking about loving our family and friends so that those relationships are based on laughter, memories, and authentic joy. I am talking about loving the man or woman on the street corner because we are all a part of the human race. I am talking about taking time and just being present every moment of everyday so that we remember that it is not our differences, but our similarities which are the greatest strength.

 

 I have had incredible opportunities to love recently. I got to love another mans children as if they were mine. I got to fall in love with a man that truly accepted and loved me for who I am without wanting to change me. I got to love a family that I inherited. I got to love my family after being gone for 15 years. I got to love friends throughout this globe and listen to countless amazing stories of resilience, strength, and courage. And those experiences of love are truly the most precious gifts I have ever received.

6.       On a personal note, this decade gave me a broken heart and a broken neck. And to most people I know that those would not be viewed as positive. Yet for me, I am immensely grateful. The broken neck forced me to slow down, forced me to re-prioritize, forced me to take a serious look at myself and the life I was living, taught me how to ask for help, showed me who my true friends were, and gave me blessings in the most unexpected places. My broken heart showed me how to feel, and truly how to love. The old saying of the heart breaks so it can open wider, is so true. It has taught me more about love, connection, intimacy and vulnerability, and don’t get me wrong I am still scared as fuck, but the broken heart taught me that it is worth feeling the fear, facing the fear, and doing it anyways.

7.       Talk to strangers. I often get teased, for appropriate reasons, about talking to strangers. But let me tell you, all friendships, every single love story, starts with talking to a stranger. I have heard incredible stories, made life long connections, laughed so hard I cried, because I talked to a stranger. Just do it! It is life changing!

8.       Collect friends. And I don’t mean that I see my friendships as things. I mean that friendships are the most treasured gift. I have collected friends wherever I go and it has been those experiences that have led to the most amazing conversations, laughter, connection, restaurants, adventures, and joys. You all know who you are, please know you mean more to me than anything on this planet Earth.

9.       Travel and travel some more. I have had the incredible opportunity to travel a ton in this past decade. I have 10 states left that I have to hit in the US, and I have had the opportunity to make it out of this country to see Bora Bora, Mexico, Costa Rica, Ireland, Sicily, and Greece. And hmmm I may be forgetting a few places…..but just travel….i have found that I learned more about myself, other people, other cultures, and life by traveling. Do it! You will not regret a single second.

10.   Do it with passion or not at all. I am not just talking about sex, however it is relevant in the bedroom as well. But I mean life. We have one life so truly go big or go home. Live a big life and be passionate about everything that you do in life. Be passionate about your career, and if not change it. Be passionate about your relationship, if not get out. Be passionate about your home, and if not move. Be passionate about what you do all day and every day, if not do something different, no matter how small. Way too many people settle and live half assed lives. Life is a gift and not the place you want to play small. Go big or go home my friends!

 

Hope y’all (yup that is my Southern influence) have an incredible New Year! Be safe, be grateful, and celebrate with those you love!! Cheers!

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